Day 20 - Fin!

-- Home safe and sound now ... managed to make it from Dublin through Paris to Newark and finally up to Lowell all in one piece. How nice it is to be back in the land of wide streets, one-size-fits-all paper currency, and working cell phones (seriously, how annoying is it that Europeans can bring their cell phones all over their continent and Asia, too, and we can't even bring ours to Mexico ... are they in metric or something?).

-- Fun bit of excitement on the way back ... it seems Air France overbooked the Dublin flight, leaving only one seat available on the 9am. Sue, wanting to make sure she made it home in time for Jen's wedding (Vegas had the odds at 5:3 against), took the seat (leaving a Sue-shaped cloud of dust behind her), leaving Alan to fend for himself. All turned out OK, as there were seats on the 10:15 and, thanks to some recent EU laws, Alan got a 250Euro compensation voucher. Go byzantine regulatory state!

-- We were aware that you couldn't take any liquids or gels on the planes, but when did M&Ms, deodorant and aspirin turn into liquids? In retrospect, we should have just checked everything and boarded the plane naked with our passports and boarding passes taped to our chests.

-- Anyway, this is pretty much the end of the line. I thought about extending this to cover our adventures in Lowell (it's my belief that the main industry of Lowell is generating tough-looking tattooed young men) but I think it's time to wrap it up. Thanks to everyone who read this (that's you, Moms), and I'm sure we'll see everyone soon.

Best,
A&S

Day 18 - Dublin

-- The Dublin skyline is hilarious ... in that there is no skyline. We went up to the top of the Guinness brewery (great tour, by the way) and looked out over Dublin ... and there is nothing! Just miles and miles of cute little houses and green trees.

-- We're apparently dragging this cold and rainy weather around with us, because it's the same here as it is in Paris. I don't really care all that much, just so long as the trend of good beer keeps up, too. (Sapporo to Tsingtao to Singha to various Belgian beers to Guinness and Irish Ales ... it's a distinctly upward curve)

-- They have these huge Irish gift shops here, but unlike the truly crappy Paris tourist shops or the nonexistant Thai/Hong Kong gift shops, these things are FANTASTIC. First, they carry every kind of clothing you could possibly want, all in cute shades of green and emblazoned with "IRELAND." We bought a ton of crap, including a spiffy "Ireland" jacket for me (on account of the fact that neither Sue nor I brought a jacket on this trip -- it is August, after all). Even besides the gift shops, the shopping has been great here, too (I found a Liverpool jersey that fit perfectly and Sue has finally found a country where women's clothes fit people taller than 5'2"). Go Dublin.

-- Our favorite game on this trip has been "Do They Tip Here?" Our tentative answers: No in Japan, Yes in Hong Kong, No in Thailand, Only A Little in Paris, and We Think So in Ireland. Good times.

Last Day in Dublin,
A&S

Day 16 - Dublin

- Paris was cold. And wet. And yet still lovely. Even the people weren't mean, which was a complete shock. I mean, the guy selling tickets at the Metro certainly had an absence of nice, but he wasn't overtly mean.

- You can get a bottle of wine for $2 in Paris. And not "Le Night Train," either. Good times!

- So, one of Alan's only memories of Paris from when he was little was getting a hot dog at the Eiffel Tower. It was a footlong hot dog in a hollowed out baguette (with ketchup and everything!) and it blew my eight-year-old mind. So when I saw "Le Hot Dog" -- almost as good a translation as the ad for "Les Monster Trucks" on the subway -- on the menu yesterday, I couldn't resist. And lemme tell you -- it was FANTASTIC. The list of French food that Alan will eat now looks like this: 1) Mayonnaise, 2) Creme Brulee, and 3) French Hot Dogs. Well done, Pierre.

- Safe and sound in Dublin now. Off to find the leprechauns.

A&S

Random Thoughts

a.k.a. "Stuff We Forgot To Post At The Time"

-- We stayed in a neighborhood called Ueno in Tokyo. Pronounced "oo-ay-no." This prompted Alan to start saying "Hey now, I will take your Uno away now in Ueno, bueno?" He has yet to stop.

-- While visiting the Wat Pho ("But I don't know what fo!") shrine in Bangkok, Sue was mobbed by a group of Thai schoolchildren on an assignment for their English class. The intrepid reporters took turns interviewing her about such diverse topics as where she was from, what her favorite Thai food was, and how much she loved the king. Alan was actually in the bathroom at the time, so he came out to a half-dozen Thai children in matching yellow shirts surrounding Sue ... he wasn't sure whether they were selling something or if Sue had adopted them, but he managed to keep his composure. Incidentally, they never asked Alan anything -- perhaps sensing that his king-love-level was about the same as Sue's.

-- Sue, multitasking genius that she is, wrote a story for the Lowell Sun (her former paper) about the nightmare at Heathrow, which was published on the Sun's front page. Check it out here. She wrote it in an hour in an internet cafe here in Paris, which is impressive. And apparently it was good enough to beat out "Black Bear Spotted Again" and "Five Kittens Need Homes." She's got the scoop, indeed, chief.

-- According to the news, we as Americans were supposed to avoid traveling to Delhi's airport last week because of the security situation (apparently, their independence day attracts terrorist violence). First of all, we would have loved to have avoided Delhi's airport. I believe our post on the subject makes that clear. Secondly, when you've got a freaking cat running around in the secured area, maybe you've got bigger problems than the possibility of terrorism. Like amazing levels of incompetence.

Randomly,
A&S

Day 14 -- Paris!

-- So it's come to this ... we wake up at 4 in the morning to go to Heathrow (actually easier than it sounds, considering we passed out at 8pm last night), and because of the security restrictions all our bags had to be checked. That's fine, except they make you take your necessities (wallet, tickets, passport) in A GALLON-SIZED CLEAR PLASTIC BAG. That's right, the security procedures at Heathrow were exactly the same as the security procedures for the bar exam (except we couldn't bring in snacks or Number 2 pencils). I seriously expected there to be a two hundred question multiple choice exam waiting for us at the gate.

-- But we made it to Paris and checked into our hotel and had some french food and wine and all that good stuff. So yeah for that.

-- Yeah for the British Airways people, too. They were actually really, really helpful considering the extraordinary nightmare that was Heathrow. The line for rebooking extended out of the terminal and wound down two streets and through a parking lot. They were also using that parking lot as a kind of lobby, where they would call out which flights were boarding and let those people into the terminal -- think a really depressing version of Woodstock except with piles of luggage everywhere and you've got it.

-- I went and stood in line, and mentally prepared myself to stay there for the next four or five hours. Sue went off to find a payphone and call the BA people in the hopes they could resolve things. Fifty minutes later, I had moved ten whole feet. At that point, Sue comes running back with her arms full of vouchers for hotels, meals, etc. She had apparently walked into the terminal and asked a British Airways person where the phones were, and the person ended up booking her a new flight and getting us lodging for the night. WTF??? Why was there this huge line if it was that easy? I think British people just like lines. (This was confirmed the next morning when there was a gigantic line to check in, and we just walked up to the self-service machine, got our boarding passes and dropped off our checked bags, all in about ten minutes).

-- The hotel was fine, the food was fine, the bed was fine ... but we were both a little disappointed that for the first time since Tokyo there was no channel showing last year's English Premier League games. Sigh.

Enjoying Paris,
A&S

Day 13 -- London???

- Our itinerary today was from Bangkok to Delhi to London to Paris ... at no point did we think that London would be the dodgy stop, but here we are in a hotel room at Heathrow. We're safe and sound, though -- a wee bit tired perhaps, but generally okay.

- There's hell. There's super-hell. Then there's the Delhi International Airport. Seriously, it's run like a D.C.-area U-Haul, with a employee:helpful employee ratio of 1000-1. Plus, there is an unbelievable amount of completely needless bureaucracy. Were we supposed to bribe people or something? I don't understand.

- One last thing before we pass out: there was a cat in the Delhi Airport. And it was noticable, too. The thing crawled in an X-ray machine. That right there is all you need to know about Delhi.

Paris tomorrow (hopefully) (*knocking on wood*),
A&S

Day ... What Day Is It Anyway? -- Bangkok

-- Just got back from Ko Samet - absolutely gorgeous beach, white sand, bars on the beach ... and our typical unfortunate forgetting of sunscreen. Let's just say that we enjoyed it, but we're really paying the price today.

-- A not insignificant portion of this country smells like refuse. Worth noting.

-- There are dozens of stray dogs in Ko Samet. Reminded me of the packs of wild dogs in Istanbul, but a lot nicer. Sue thinks they are the happiest stray dogs in the world -- all they do is play all day, frolic in the water and get table scraps from strangers. Sue would live like this if she could.

-- We took the world's most easily tossed about boat to and from the island. Man, never in my life have I taken a mental inventory of life jackets and possible exits so quickly and so deliberately.

-- Sue had pad thai for breakfast on Ko Samet, and Alan has had it for every meal since he's been here.

-- Alan read "The Beach," set in Thailand, on a beach in Thailand. If only there was a book called "Sitting in an Airport in Delhi" for the next leg of our journey.

Enjoying our Last Day in Bangkok,
A&S

Day Ten -- Bangkok

- Everyone in Bangkok is wearing these yellow shirts with the royal emblem on them. At first, we thought they all worked for the same department store. Then we realized it was probably some kind of national show of support for the king, who recently had spinal surgery. Everyone here loves the king. They actually flashed that message on the neon signs as we waited in immigration: "We Love Our King," Well, I love their king, too.

- Here's why: before every movie (we saw Miami Vice last night -- so freaking good), they play the national anthem with a montage of pictures of the king. But instead of normal king-like gear -- you know, crowns, perhaps a military uniform, etc. -- he was in wrinkled suits with a Cannon camera strapped around his neck. He looked like a tourist or a bird-watcher. The dude was awesome; he can be my king any day of the week.

- Food is fantastic and beer is cheap. Good times.

Running to catch a bus for Ko Samet,
A&S

Day Nine -- Hong Kong to Bangkok

- Our final day in Hong Kong began with a huge English breakfast at one of the bars/restaurants in Soho. So fantastic. Who knew baked beans and eggs were a match made in heaven?

- More EPL soccer this morning. The best part of this is the announcer's use of odd British phrases during tense points in the match. Like "All Hands To The Pump!" or "Stand Up and Be Counted Now, Lads!" We want more crazy British sayings, though. "All right boys, take the pennies out of your noses! Strap the pig to your feet! Time to really throw the mayonnaise off the boat!"

- Goodbye beautiful, relaxing, lovely Hong Kong. Hello Thailand!

A&S

Day Eight -- Hong Kong

- Eating, drinking, shopping, soccer, and dumplings. That comprised the entirety of our final full day in Hong Kong. Alan found yet another fabulous T-shirt. Sue made do with a new belt.

- We finally found a dim sum place after days of searching. We're pretty sure a lot of the
Chinese places around here served dim sum, but we couldn't tell by the menus. And we were scared. Because that's how we roll. Anyway, the English-menu dim sum place was well worth the wait. Hand-made dumplings make me happy.

- Went back to Kowloon. Much less scary during the day, but it's still no Hong Kong Island. Touts would ask us "wanna buy a suit?" in pretty much the same tone and manner as someone asking us to buy crack. I wonder how many people they actually get to buy suits this way.

- Went to the HK Zoological Gardens, which provided our first jaguar sighting of the trip. He (or she) was a cool cat, splashing about in the pool and viciously attacking the pink plastic balls in the water. Thumbs up to the jaguar.

- It was so hot today, Alan had to wear his trademark sweat bandanna. Let us pray it never gets that hot again.

Another wonderfully relaxing day in Hong Kong,
A&S

Day 7 - Hong Kong

- It's official: Sue is sick of Alan constantly checking his fantasy baseball scores.

- Woke up late yesterday ... which is perfectly fine by us in this wonderfully relaxed town. Had some tea and watched an EPL match. Good way to start a day.

- Took the Star Ferry at night across the bay to watch the light show -- at night, all the big skyscrapers flash their lights and shoot lasers over the pier. It all seems very giant-robots-attacking the way I'm describing it, but it was cool when we saw it.

- Went up Victoria Peak. View from the top: fog. View from halfway up the top: a gorgeous bird's eye view of the harbor.

- Went to Kowloon on the other side of the pier. Yikes! Bright garish neon lights, a thousand horrible stores, people shouting, dirty streets ... thank god we're staying in London ... er ... I mean, Hong Kong Island. Kowloon is like Jersey to HK Island's Manhattan.

- Tomorrow: Shopping. And Dim Sum. And Beer. Did I mention that we love Hong Kong?

A&S

Day Six - Hong Kong

- Hong Kong is fabulous. We have a view of the skyline from our hotel, we can successfully order food in a restaurant, and we have yet to get in a shouting match with store employees.

- Seriously, the city is just very, very pretty, with lots of parks, a beautiful downtown, a cool pier and the most amazing skyline we've ever seen. It's a very centralized city, unlike the more spread out Tokyo. And it seems a whole hell of a lot more relaxed -- must be the British influence. The city reminds us both of London, actually, with the double decker busses, the way the streets are set up, the constant tea everywhere, the English Premier League soccer on the television, and the fantastic British pubs. Speaking of which ...

- Five Reasons Why Alan and Sue Should Never Drink in a Foreign Country:

1. We couldn't find the door into a nice conveyor belt-sushi place. Sue pounded on a glass door that wouldn't open. The actual entrance had a huge "Welcome" sign on it.

2. Alan dropped his sushi directly ONTO the conveyor belt at said restaurant.

3. Then he knocked over the bottle of wine we had purchased earlier in the evening.

4. Then Sue dropped sushi onto the conveyor belt. I'm telling you, this was a very tricky conveyor belt.

5. Finally, Sue fell off the Hong Kong escalator on the way home. Total wipe-out.

- The only drawback: we're here in the middle of a Typhoon. Whoops! Of course, the typhoon is off to the west by a couple hundred miles, but it's still very windy and cloudy here. Ah, well. We still love it.

Loving HK,
A&S

Day 5 Observations - Tokyo

- So, there are two kinds of toilets in Japan. Super-fantastic toilets with a damn remote control and heated seats, and holes in the ground where you have to bring a newspaper and, no, not just for reading (although these have automatic flushing, too, for some reason). Which kind you get depends entirely on the situation -- your chance of getting a squat toilet is directly correlated with the desperation with which you need to use a toilet. Good times!

- Alan would like to add that the "toilet shower" function on the super-deluxe toilets is truly one of the most awkward experiences of his life. You know, you can never really find the "STOP" button when you really need it.

- The danishes here are FANTASTIC. Really, it's like a cross between a crossiant and a normal american danish. So perfect ... why is it that we can't have kick-ass danishes like this? You win again, Japan!

- Came back to Shibuya, which was a mistake. A casual trip to a store ended with shouting and tears. Stupid Shibuya whores! Went then to Shinjuku, where everyone was nice and we could buy clothes with horribly mistranslated English and play video games next to chain-smoking hip kids.

- Speaking of the T-Shirt, "Destroy My Mind. When Do We Know That An Individual Or Group of Individuals Has Understood The Same Thing By The Linguistic Act?" Really, how do we? It's a good question.

- The morning today was spent at the Tsukiji Fish Market, which is kind of like the fish market in Seattle, except that you can get killed at the Tsukiji Fish Market. First, the thing is HUGE. There are giant warehouses with frozen, gutted, giant tunas lying on the ground while fisherman smoked and yelled. Beyond that, there were booths where they sold every conceivable fish part. And beyond that, there were sushi places. It was like a microcosm of Japan's economy. And everywhere -- seriously, everywhere -- were these pallet jacks, little flatbed trucks, except the motor was also the steering wheel (imagine a washing machine attached to a plank of wood, with a guy standing at the washing machine). These things flew around us at all times, and there were thousands of them (we never saw the same guy twice). They surrounded us once, 1950s motorcycle gang-style. I swear, there has to be a famous Japanese personal injury case involving these things -- it's that crazy.

- Goodbye Tokyo, Hello Hong Kong!

Konichiwa, Bitches!
A&S

Day 4 Observations - Tokyo

- Had Soba noodles for lunch. We went into the shop and sat down, only to be directed to a large ticket machine which had pictures of the food on the menu. We put in our money and then took the ticket to the counter, where they then served us the food. One question: why is that step necessary??? Why can't we just order the food at the counter? I think they just have too much technology in Japan and now they're just using it wherever they can.

- We found the giant robots today -- in the Toy Park in Ginza! Mobile Suit Gundam 0087! I now have a sweet toy for my office at Simpson. If anyone comes in and tries to dump some work on me, I'll just let my Zeon Defense Robot take care of 'em.

- Had Shabu Shabu tonight ... very, very good. This means that we've had tempura, sushi, onigiri, soba, shabu shabu and yakitori while we're here. Pretty good, I'd say.

- Went to Ueno Park, and visited the zoo. We saw flamingos, pandas and hippopotami. Tapirs, too. (I had a National Geographic book all about the Tapir as a child. Talk about useless knowledge. Well, it finally came in handy!) I wonder if the animals know that they are in Japan. Are their lives different somehow?

- Visited the War Dead shrine -- Yasakuni Jinja -- and the accompanying crazy-ass right-wing nationalistic war museum. Did you know that Japan's Imperial aggression inspired Gandhi? And that China was responsible for the Nanking massacre? And that up is actually down? All that and more at this incredibly embarrassing museum! That said, the shrine is quite beautiful -- one of the prettiest we've seen -- and there is a great Tomb of the Unknown Soldier nearby to serve as a counterpoint to all the insanity inside.

- You know those kids who didn't have many friends, and so they spent a lot of time alone and developed a strange but not necessarily bad personality? Yeah ...

Later,
A&S

Day 3 Observations - Tokyo

- The hotel gave us traditional Japanese robes for bathrobes. If you think I didn't put one on and make everyone call me "Shogun," well, you just don't know me very well.

- Shi-BOO-YAH!

- In Ginza -- Tokyo's Fifth Avenue -- we saw an old man bow before a watch display at the Cartier store. And not just a little bow, a BIG noticable bow. Can't argue with his faith, though -- those watches were fantastic.

- Shibuya was amazing -- like Times Square on crack. Except that special Japanese crack that is smaller and more efficient and we won't get for another six months. Also, it was scary. We actually got rejected from a restaurant. Faced with the prospect of starvation and death, we finally found a conveyor belt restaurant. Problem solved, right? No. You still had to order the food, and then they would place it on the conveyor belt. That doesn't help us at all! Why do they even need a conveyer belt? They could just give it to us! Anyhow, through the kindness of strangers, we managed to point and grunt our way to some of the best sushi I have ever had. Good times!

- There is something about the Japanese subway trains that is amazing soporific. The chairs are cushy, the rides are long, there's gentle back-and-forth motion .... oh, and EVERYONE else is sleeping. We missed our stop once, and Sue has fallen asleep on every single ride. Also good times.

Running out of internet kiosk time ...
A&S

Day Two Observations - Tokyo

- Spent all day today in various temples and shrines. There is an elaborate ritual involving water, incense, change and clapping that Sue would only perform when noone was looking.

- There is a small subculture of teenage girls that comes out on the weekends. They wear strange gothic costumes and vamp on the sidewalks outside of Meiji shrine. We would have been more shocked, but they looked no more crazy than any other teenager here, so we walked right by them.

- We went to the Park Hyatt to drink at the Lost in Translation bar. But it was closed. So we ended up somewhere else in the hotel, drinking equally expensive drinks and listening in on the conversation of two nearby Australians. They discussed some important business in hushed tones. What could they have been talking about? They're freaking AUSTRALIANS! Nothing could be that important ... was it the merger of the Digiridoo Corporation with Wallabies, Inc.?

- There is this citywide campaign here in Tokyo to stop smoking while walking in public (complete with little smoker's stands and hilarious cartoon pleas), but you can still SMOKE IN EVERY RESTAURANT. It is like they turned New York's rules inside-out.

- Still no giant robots.

- Shinjuku, home of the Park Hyatt, is the place most like Taksim Square in Istanbul that I have ever seen. I half-expected to get in a fight with a Turkish cabdriver.

- Outside of the restaurant where we were having lunch (Gut's Grill -- how's that for appetizing?) there was a large group of drummers and musicians putting on a Napoleon Dynamite-level performance in front of a bewildered crowd. I've come to the conclusion that there is no word in Japanese for "That sounds like a really goofy idea." I think that would explain a lot.

- There is nothing here that I don't want to roll up in my Katamari.

Day One Observations - Tokyo

- Where are the giant robots?

- Number One Phrase We Should Have Learned Before Coming: "This System Is Not Intuitive"

- They have beer ... IN THE VENDING MACHINES! Their civilization truly is far more advanced than ours.

- On the day we arrived, the city was holding its annual fireworks display and we had an amazing view of it from our hotel room. It was great ... for the first half-hour. Let me tell you, anything more than 30 minutes of fireworks is overkill. Unless you've got some spiffy new kind of firework (Magic Eye holographs, Hello Kitty logos, giant robots, etc.), a half-hour is fine. Trust us.

More later,
A&S